Forgive Me…I Need To Get This Off My Chest

I had planned to post this week on some of my birthday exploits but I can’t get past the rioting that has been flaring up all over London so forgive me while I get this off my chest.

On Sunday morning I emerged sleepy-eyed to see a text from Mum asking if I was OK.  ‘OK?’ I thought. ‘What on earth is she talking about?’

Then I turned on my computer.  Rioting. Looting. In London. Specifically in Tottenham.  Was this right?  How could this be?  Ensconsed in my flat on the other side of London, it just didn’t seem real.

Since, like the rest of the world, I have woken each morning to the news of behaviour I can hardly believe.  Hackney. Enfield. Ealing. Clapham. Brixton. Bristol. Birmingham. Manchester.  Cars set alight. Shop windows smashed.  Items snatched from shelves and carried down the street aloft like trophies. 

Pictures on Twitter, in the papers, on the news – looking more like a war-zone (not that I know what this would really look like). 

Stories of looters bragging of ‘taking from the rich’, stealing hard-earned livings from strangers, swaggering with arrogance and disrespect and entitlement.

How did it come to this?  What did we do as a society (that’s all of us) to bring this on ourselves?

I have been in turn appalled, disbelieving, disgusted, angry and deeply shocked – but mostly I am sad.  Sad that hard work and building a life is dismissed in such a cavalier fashion by those who think that the rewards are owed and there to be demanded at will.  Sad that businesses must close to protect their staff, that people are frightened in their own homes, that schools must send our children – the ones who will shape our society in the future – home.  What an abysmal example to set – that behaving in such cowardly and criminal ways clears the path for getting what one wants.

And while I’m still reeling from this, I am also heartened by the way that local communities have banded together to support those affected (on Twitter you can check out @riotcleanup).

9th August 2011 – Clapham’s Broom Army
(Picture: @Lawcol888)
10th August 2011 – Peckham Poundland’s Post-It Wall
(Picture: Getty Images)

But in the end I just really wish it wasn’t necessary.

The Universe Is Testing Me…9 Sleeps To Go

The Universe is testing me.

Really it is.  I kid you not.

Absolutely, unequivocally testing me. Pushing my buttons. Stretching my patience.

All in the space of the last 24 hours.

———————————————–

Weekends are a highly valued commodity where I come from, as I’m sure they are for you, so I like to plan a bit of stuff but also make sure I have time to chill out, avoid doing chores, write – you know the drill.

(The current silence tells me that the wet washing is ‘ready’ and will not hang itself out.)

With a weekend plan including a photos viewing Friday night on the way home, a haircut on Saturday morning and then off for a mani-pedi Saturday afternoon, I was looking forward to firstly feeling rather productive then followed by some serious chilling as a busy Saturday mellowed into a Sunday of pottering about.

So Friday morning I pick up a message from my hairdresser asking me whether I could turn up 15mins early.  Sure, I think, no problem.  I call back to confirm that this is ok to be told ‘No it’s ok we worked something out – turn up at 11.’  Great news but I’m glad I rang back instead of turning up early – tolerating lateness is not my strong suit.  Anyway, moving on.

I leave work a little early on Friday to get to my appointment to view my photos at 6pm (a 90min trip but it is a stop-off on my regular 2hr commute home. I know it’s long. Don’t ask.)  I reach Clapham Junction station which is about a 15min walk from the studio and get a message – which had obviously arrived during the underground portion of my journey – asking me to come at 7pm instead.  With an hour and a half of travelling under my belt already, my weary brain shouts ‘NOOOOO!’.  Long story short – we settled on 6.15pm instead. 

To kill the time, I take myself off to Caffe Nero for a white chocolate and raspberry muffin and a soya cappucino, thinking I will just chill for a little bit before wandering up Lavender Hill towards the studio.  Another message arrives, this time from the Mani-Pedi salon.  There’s a problem with my 2pm appointment on Saturday – can I come earlier?  Brain swears loudly.  Despite the ensuing conversation confirming that someone else will be available at the time of my booking to pretti-fy my paws, I feel mildly nervous walking up Lavender Hill, wondering whether I will receive an apologetic phone call Saturday morning (or better yet, be mucked about upon arrival).  I have next Friday off so I call back and agree to have pretty paws then.

Phew!

Photo viewing goes well (pics look amaaaazing – I will collect my chosen ones mid August and share with you) and I go to bed last night, thinking I will get up early-ish and dash into Kingston to do my errands before my hair appointment.  I’m up at 8.30am and, feeling mildly awake and presentable after my ablutions, am eating some vegemite toast before heading out.

There’s another message. 

My hairdresser (a new one, the lovely A having decided to embark on some world travelling for a while) has called in sick.  Brain sighs resignedly.  Little voice in my head reminds me to ‘breathe’. 

I’m going at 12.30.

In, out. In, out. Breathing, breathing. Time for a coffee.  And a post.

And if it’s really lucky, the washing will get hung out to dry.

ps…as I’m a little intolerant of lateness and would really love a chilled out, low-irritant birthday, I thought it prudent to remind you that there are now only 9 sleeps to go. We are now into single figures peeps so don’t be late – I can just see the good ship 42 coming into view.

Of Hearts And Minds…(NB: 15 Sleeps To Go)

I have just spent a lovely few hours this afternoon with my friend A-mother-of-N, and little N.  They live on the opposite side of London so we catch up on alternate ‘sides’ once every couple of months or so.  Anyway, we were chatting today about how much life has changed for us both, particularly for me in the last 9 months, the challenges we have faced and the little victories we’ve celebrated.

One of the things we spoke about was my writing.  I will have been writing my blog for 3 years next month but it’s only been in the last 9 months, I’ve started to consider where it all might lead.  I’ve ‘guest-posted’ a couple of times and been acknowledged by generous fellow bloggers (you know who you are – and for everyone else, you can find them on my blog roll) but am now starting to get encouragement from outside the blogosphere with family and friends commenting ‘how well I write’.

Recently I started writing for weekendnotes, my first ‘paid’ gig depending on how many articles I submit and how many subscribers and page views I get.  I have just submitted my second article for publishing today. (My first, about my visit to the Museum of Brands, Packaging and Advertising, which I have also blogged about, was published last Monday.)  I love London. I love writing.  It seems a match made in Heaven.

But I feel…hesitant. 

You see, I am completely besotted with writing.  Even more so than when I was in high school (high school, not secondary – now that ages me!).  Some days I write what I see, hear, experience in the small things.  Other days it just seems that I can’t help but put my heart on the page.  It’s a joyful feeling, sometimes emotional, but always satisfying.  An expression of my creativity and passion that feels both cathartic and right in its current proportion.  

And that’s the thing – the balance.  I also love my work.  It’s commercial and fast-paced and dynamic and I’m part of a team – and it’s a big part of me as well.  And right now, the two things together feel balanced and right.  Yet I can’t help asking myself, could I still do both if I wrote more?  Could I keep managing the balance or would there come a tipping point, where the single, albeit dual purpose, path may naturally divide and I find myself standing at a fork in the road?

One of my favourite poem’s of all time is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.  There’s a line in it ‘yet knowing how way leads on to way’.  I feel like that now.  I am desperate not to lose the joy I have rediscovered in writing but suspect that life will take me down the road that it will. 

I will just have to be brave enough to keep my heart and mind open to whatever happens next.

You’ve got mail…16 sleeps to go

I staggered out of bed this morning to be greeted by a drizzly Saturday and have been faffing about (great word that, faffing) instead braving the elements and getting out to do the list of things I need to do.  This is also known as re-prioritising and is a very useful skill to have here in the UK, saving hours of damp trudging and allowing one to enjoy the soothing sound of the rain from a dry and comfortable vantage point at the front window.

But I digress.

My faffing meant that I was home when the postman arrived.  Nothing exciting really comes through the mailslot: just the usual assortment of bills to pay, flyers advertising things I could never imagine needing and To The Homeowner letters from local estate agents wishing to sell my little flat from underneath me.  But today was different.  As I whipped around, startled by the metallic clunk of the mail flap, I saw a flash of girly colour.

‘Pink!’, my little heart cried.  ‘Could it be…my first birthday card?’

And so it was.

Itinerant Father and Erstwhile Wife have won the Birthday Derby again, and although 2 days later than last year’s stirling effort, getting in with 16 sleeps to go can only be vigorously applauded.  (Sounds of wild cheering and me doing a little ‘Hooray it’s my birthday soon’ dance around my postage-stamp-sized lounge room).

The card (we are allowed to open birthday cards pre-special-day in the Hamer clan) is a testament to their continued concern about my welfare in a faraway land and featured some handy hints for me to consider in my advancing years:

An ode to ageing gracefully

May your bum stay firm and pert
May your boobies not head south
May your lippy never blend
Into thin lines round your mouth
May you eat a ton of chocolate
But never gain a pound
May you always look your best
Whenever Brad Pitt comes around.
May you never wear big pants
Or grow unwanted hair
And Birthday Girl if all else fails
May you be to sloshed to care!!

 

Well, don’t mind if I do!  And I have 16 days to plan how…

Dad & Bev, thanks for the birthday tip and the lovely wishes.

ps…for a little more detail on the Birthday Rules according to the Hamer clan, click here…my sister Lil Chicky sums it up so succinctly in her comment!

Life in London…The Highs And The Lows

When I sat down at my computer tonight and started to tap-tap-tap away, I couldn’t quite decide what to post about.  It’s been a long 48 hours and I feel a bit knackered after all of the highs, lows and running around that seems to have constituted life in the UK over the last couple of days.

You see it all started Thursday night. After dinner with an old work friend, it was a long bus ride home through a ridiculous amount of traffic, resulting in a rather late night and significantly less sleep than is sensible on a ‘school’ night.  A Low

However, I did find it fascinating watching the stream of humankind that was advancing steadily from Hyde Park (Kings of Leon playing apparently) who were squeezing themselves into the much smaller entrance to Green Park tube station – this all viewed from my comfy seat on the top deck of the (almost stationary) number 14 bus.  A (slightly smug) High.

My rather epic struggle into work on Friday morning was a definite Low.  Let me tell you here and now, a long commute is not conducive to morning perkiness at the best of times and I was rather concerned I might drop off and find myself well past where I wanted to be.  But Friday is fish and chips day at work – always a High.  (We have a canteen that provides  meals at lunchtime so my evening toast consumption habit is not nearly as careless, lazy or diet conscious as it may look – ooh, there’s another High). I booked a couple of days off work to have a 4 day weekend around my birthday (yes peeps, the countdown is a-comin’!) – another High. And then on the way home, there was a last minute invite to a 4 year old’s birthday party (pizza-making at Pizza Express no less) on Saturday which dealt me a quick one-two: A High (to be invited) then a Low (realising I would have to get up early to get errands done before I went).

Today was a rollercoaster of Highs (wine, cake, pizza, 15 kids in cute hats making their pizza – aaaaawwww!!) and Lows (emergency locksmith call out, aborted afternoon drive to Southend-on-Sea, 15 kids full of excitement, sugar, squealing-type noises, more sugar and hysterical tiredness – uugggghhh!).  The weather started off a bit grey and average too (Low) but by the time we were sitting outside Starbucks at the O2 shopping centre this afternoon bathed in sunshine, it seemed that tomorrow’s promised dip into Summer had made an early appearance (High).  An incident-free trip home and a little visit to Waitrose for bread, newspaper and a few bits (I do love Waitrose!) were the happy pieces that tipped the scales in the right direction.

But here’s the best part. 

I have a day at home tomorrow with  he promise of glorious sunshine and a fab book to read.

High-di-high campersLife just doesn’t get any better.

…and here endeth the post that nearly was not.

12 Steps…Losing My Religion?

I’ve been dashing about London in the rain today – appointment to appointment, jumping around puddles and waging a battle with my brolly in the wind. (Incidentally, I lost that battle but managed to snaffle a cab so feel I won the war.)  It seemed that after posting my moment of inspiration on Facebook this morning – “Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about dancing in the rain” – the fickle London weather seemed determine to dampen my mid-week mambo.

On the homeward-bound bus at last, I opened up my weekly Australian Times e-newsletter (I’ve had a whole new love of commuting since the advent of my Desire) to be greeted with the question Are You Losing Your Australian-ness?.  After the rubbishing I got while visiting loved ones in Melbourne over Christmas (about my Ocker-Oh’s referring to my tendancy to intersperse flat ‘Australian-speak’ with a few English-sounding Oh’s and Ah’s), I thought I should read on.

Lee Crossley actually identifies twelve signs of disappearing Australian-ness but I am pleased to report that I have only identify five signs after seven years of living here:

THE phrases ‘Mind the Gap’ and ‘alight here’ no longer seem a tad odd.  In fact, I find them quite sweet and quaint.  I mean who ‘alights’ anything any more?

YOU no longer grumble on a crowded tubeSimply hours of fun to be had ‘minding the gap’ and ‘alighting’.  Plus no-one likes a whinger.

YOU expect miserable weather.  And am conversely delighted to a slightly hysterical degree at any 2 plus run of warm-weather-days. I must point out here that we are classifying mid-20(c)s as blissfully warm. I just do not have the wardrobe/patience to deal with anything hotter any more, unless lying prone next to the pool/beach in holiday repose.

YOU start to wonder where all the English people have gone in London.  Yep. Pretty much. I think they all live ‘elsewhere’.  Like Oxford.  Or Spain.

YOU accentuate the ‘ie’ in unbelievable.  Actually pronounced un-be-leeeeeeev-able and can be applied to any moment of wonder/dismay/disbelief.

Yes, 5 out of 12.  That’s 41.66%, an average of about 5.9% a year.  By my reckoning, that means this insidious creep will have completely subsumed my Ocker-ness in just under a decade.

Bugger!* Best bring out the big guns…

*Please don’t take offence.  Click on the link if you really think I am being rude.  I am not.  Truly.  I’m just a laconic, dinky-di colonial.

ps…if you want to keep a watchful eye over my continued slide progress, find out what the other seven are by going to Lee Crossley’s article here and keep checking in at Gidday from the UK for updates. 

Cupcakes and champers…it’s lush!

It’s the last day of my little staycation before I go back to work tomorrow.  It’s been grey and drizzly, a perfect recovery day after a Saturday of champagne (and a few other alcoholic beverages), chocolate making and cupcake decorating with friend, A-down-the-hill (she of the emergency handbag adventure).

Yes peeps, champers, chocolates and cupcakes. On a Saturday afternoon. I think the word that the youngsters use nowadays is ‘lush’ (or is that to describe my drinking habit??)

Anyway, we met at the train station in the gorgeous sunshine and before we knew it we had arrived at The Peacock Bar – 30 minutes early (not excited – much!). Being the resourceful Aussie girls we are and having always been taught to entertain ourselves, we perused the cocktail list, read up on the Burlesque portion of the club’s entertainment offering and did a little reconnaissance on our preferred position at the chocolate-pots.

(I’d like to point out here that this was purely for the chocolate-making, not the burlesque, although there was a boobs chocolate mold and another that looked alarmingly like a woman’s…well…bits.  But this is a family blog – hi Mum – so let’s move on to less fruity tales!)

Serious dipping, dribbling and chocolate mold-filling was the first order of the day (oh sorry wait – it was the second: champers was the first!) and before long, our creative efforts were whisked away to ‘chill’ before our departure. Come to think of it, I am now wondering how on earth those little bundles of cocoa joy knew that they needed to prepare for a stressful trip home.

Then it was on with the cakes – and some rather nuclear coloured icing that kept melting a little in the heat.  But with perseverence (and a few nips outside for a hormonal flushed yours truly to un-flush cool down), I managed these little beauties:

A’s were pretty good too but she was quite speedy about it all and hers were boxed up for taking home before I got around to whipping out the ol’ HTC for happy-snapping.

So there was nothing left to do but have a(nother) drink and sample some more of the expert/organisers’ wares while our chocolates continued to get suitably chilled (remember, we did the chocolates bit before the cupcakes bit.)

 

 

After three hours or so, we were issued with our little bundles of chilled cocoa joy and, placing our boxes of iced splendor carefully into carrier bags, we set off in search of the local gbk (all hail gbk!) and a savoury snackette (a chicken and avocado burger, chunky fries and smoked chilli mayo between us) to take the edge off our sugar rush before heading home, comfortably ensconsed behind our fashionable sunglasses at 5.30pm.

(Imagine, if you will, two grown-up and determined-not-to-stop-yet children after substantial quantities of red cordial, followed by the inevitable post-cordial slump, the slavish search for carbohydrates and a doze-y train ride home.  The walk (me) / cycle (A) home from the station was never going to go well.)

Just for the record, the cakes did not really survive the trip home…

These are A’s – mine weren’t much better!

…but the chocolates were delicious.

Staycation…In The Sunshine

There are moments in my expat life that make me realise how much I love living here in the UK.  I am lucky enough to live in beautiful Kingston Upon Thames – a completely accidental find about a year after I arrived – just a 25 minute train ride from London and right by the river (hence the Upon-Thames part of the name). I am up on Kingston Hill – apparently quite a posh bit (so my landlord says in justifying the price of the ‘cosy’ flat I am in!) and only a short walk away from one of London’s most wonderful Royal Parks, Richmond Park.  

Hanging around at home on my little staycation this week has meant that I’ve been able to visit a few times and just enjoy it in the British half-term sunshine.  And on today’s walk, the camera on my phone got a bit of a workout. 

First there was a surprise appearance from the locals grazing by the walking path…

Then this view of the lone bench-sitter really gave a sense of the scale of the view.

This little corner near Ham Gate is at about the three quarter point on my circuit…

  …and Ham Gate pond is gorgeous.

And the final stretch back to Kingston Gate is just perfect for meandering and enjoying the solitude.

I came home smiling and relaxed (and a little damp with perspiration from the ‘heat’ and the final walk home up the hill).  You know, there’s lots of talk these days about ‘going somewhere’ – on holidays, at work, in life generally.  But I love days like this.  They remind me to just enjoy the journey…and that the destination more often than not, will take care of itself.

Hope this inspires you to find the magic in your great outdoors.

Life’s Classroom…

Every week I get an email newsletter from Australian Times.  It keeps me in touch with what’s going on with Aussies in London and also with some of the big stories Down Under.  But this week’s article by Adrian Craddock, Does Being Australian Make You Less Employable? hit a particularly sensitive spot.

I arrived in London at the age of 34.  I had achieved a great many things in my career up to that point and my move to London, while sudden, was a permanent one as far as I was concerned. I had great references and could give many examples showing the results I’d achieved and how I’d ‘managed’ to do this. I’d qualified easily for my work visa under the Highly Skilled Migrants Programme. Note that this was not the 2 year working visa, or youth mobility visa as it’s now called, that most Aussies who are under the age of 30 and without UK ancestry come on. I’d sold my apartment and had a shipping container of furniture on the way. 

No-one actually said anything but as I trawled the recruiters and the job boards and built my networks, I felt an undercurrent of disbelief from the locals.  Had I actually done all of those things at such a ‘young’ age?  Was I really here for good and how could they count on me not to get homesick and flee back to Melbourne? And for that matter, why hadn’t I stayed in Australia if my career had been that great?

On top of this, I was faced with the constant refusal to believe that the skills and experience I had put to such good use in Australia (and in dealing with suppliers and customers in overseas markets while based there) could possibly be transferred to the UK.

And the longer this went on, the more difficult it got.  Added to the great unspoken was the question, ‘Why aren’t you working yet?’

My networks were gone – the Australian ones I’d left behind could do little to provide any pragmatic help and the new ones, while delighted with the opportunity to ask me ‘what I was doing here’, proved a bit of a closed shop.  I didn’t resort to spending my time fulfilling the common view of Australians as hard-working wanderlusts, ready to ‘make the most’ of the plethora of multicultural experiences just a couple of hours and a few quid away across the Channel.  I kept working – temping and working in the kinds of roles I’d worked in 8-10 years prior – trying to get a foothold in the market and earn enough to pay my bills and build my life here. 

Seven and a half years on and a whole rollercoaster of ups and downs later, I’ve learnt a lesson or two.  

The first is around dogged hard-graft, relentless persistence and above all, emotional resilience.  It’s tough to start again.  Really tough.  And it’s destabilising to be without those taken-for-granted ways of life, the unconditional daily support networks and, not to put too finer point on it, money.  It made me dig deep to find new ways to keep going and new things to embrace about my life. 

Which leads me to the second lesson: humility, integrity and faith that it would ‘happen’ for me.  There is no such thing as being ‘too big for your boots’ when doing the coffee round for the office was helping me to pay my bills.  I was employed to do a job, whether I liked that job or not. And I’m someone who always wants to do a job well, sometimes in the face of much cynicism and comments like ‘why are going above and beyond? No-one cares!’. (I am not a proud, proud Leo for nothing!) 

I’m emerging from a 2 year dip now, enjoying the sunshine (so to speak) as I climb to the top of the hill again.  It’s good to feel inspired and hopeful.  Everywhere I look, the future is looking bright and shiny. 

And the best part?  I feel grounded, like I can deal with whatever comes, and lucky to have such valuable lessons from Life’s never-ending classroom under my belt.

The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of…

I was happily ensconsed at a local cafe this afternoon, sipping my coffee and picking at a slice of quite sublime lemon and ginger cake, when I came across an interview in The Times with some of the Brisbane-ites who were affected by Australia’s shocking floods 100 days ago (yes I thought, ‘only 100 days’ too).

Right in the middle of the first column was a paragraph that really made me stop and think – it went something like this:

Someone said to me ‘You should be thankful you’re alive.  What you’ve lost is just stuff’, she said.  ‘But your ‘stuff’ is what validates you.  Now we feel invaild and invisible.’

When I arrived in the UK over seven years ago, I had planned to be living with the one person I knew and had arranged for the contents of my flat in Melbourne to be professionally packed up and shipped here.  Long story short – he freaked at the ‘responsibility’ for me coming over here and I moved out after six weeks into a share-house with someone I didn’t know. As one does in London…you know the adage ‘When in Rome…’

So my ‘stuff’ (and my dreams) sat in storage.

I moved into my current flat a year later and I cannot even describe the joy of unwrapping MY couch, unpacking MY books, MY music, MY photos and pictures and basically surrounding myself with MY stuff.  It made me feel whole again, reminiscing over things that had been by-the-by in Melbourne but that had suddenly taken on a comforting and joyful nostalgia.  I remember unpacking my stereo, unearthing an adaptor from somewhere and, in the midst of the mountain of bubble wrap and paper wadding, listening to one CD after another: Kylie, Aussie Crawl, Bachelor Girl, Savage Garden, Noiseworks (just in case the neighbours did not realise that there was an Aussie ‘in da house’) as well as some vintage Madonna, Elton John and Neil Diamond.

And in that one afternoon, it became MY place.  A haven to recover from the knocks I had never expected, and the ones I suspected were still to come.  To catch my breath and take stock of who I was and to assess what I had always thought I wanted.  And to realise that in this ‘stuff’ lay not only the life I’d had so far but also the building blocks for the new chapter I’d started to write.

Six years later, I am sitting in my front window, the late afternoon sun is streaming through the dappled leaves and it’s lovely and warm on my face.  I’ve written many more chapters since – the good, the bad and the heart-breaking – mostly ones I never expected I would write. 
And I remain resolutely and inordinately attached to my stuff…and dream of the chapters that are still to come.