Category Archives: The Australian Way

Lost In Translation

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When I first moved to the UK, my direct approach (or if you prefer, my ‘Australian bluntness’) resulted in a quite a few hackles-on-the-rise, particularly at work.  Seven years on, I like to think I have learned to play a little more by the rules – or at the very least, understand the boundaries before pushing firmly, but ever so charmingly, against them.

I was going through my mail from the week yesterday and, noticing that British fashion brand Boden had sent their new Spring/Summer catalog in tabloid format, thought I’d have a quick flick through.  Imagine my surprise when I stumbled across a full-page guide to navigating the ‘English’ language (I tried to scan it in for you but it was too big/my scanner is too small).  Let me just say that HOURS of angst and general hair-tearing could have been avoided if I had only known:

…that when the English say ‘It was quite good’
     what they mean is ‘I was mildly disappointed’.

…and when they say ‘I was a bit disappointed that…’
     what they mean is ‘I am most upset and cross.’

…also that when the English say ‘I’ll bear it in mind’
     what they mean is ‘I will do nothing about it.’

…and when they say ‘I’m sure it’s my fault’
     what they mean is ‘we both know it’s your fault.’

…and very importantly, from a work standpoint,
    when they say ‘Could we consider some other options?’,
     they don’t actually want more of your input,
     what they mean is ‘I have a much better idea than yours.’

Kerching!!!
(I am reliably informed that this is actually the sound of a penny dropping). 

Do you realise that this list could transform English relationships with the rest of the world?  Seriously, it should be incorporated into some sort of Welcome Pack, guiding foreign dignitaries through the seething mass lying just beneath those polite English manners and helping we who are ‘just-off-the’boat’ to get the ‘lay of the land’.

Now THAT would be ‘the dog’s bollocks’!

The Language Barrier…Mind The Gap!

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I’ve lived here in the UK for just over 7 years now.  I came from another English-speaking country – a colony of the British Empire no less, built on the entrepreneurial and criminal exploits of those shipped in from the Mother Country.

And I have spent a not insignificant proportion of my time explaining passing comments, pithy retorts and ironic witticisms that lose their essential meaning when transported to the other side of the world.

The comment that sparked it all off 7 years ago was this:

I went for a fossick on your desk.

I had presumed that fossick was a word in use in everyday English language but clearly not.  And I found myself, flush-faced, explaining to the wide-eyed recipient of said comment that it meant to rummage about for something, using all of the relevant Aussie ‘looking for gold’-isms I could think of! 

I am secretly quite proud that I haven’t yet fallen for the whole ‘I was walking to work today and my pants got wet’ gaffe (for those non-English people out there, pants are underpants here) but there have been a few faux pas including thongs and vests (both also undergarments) and a few smiles/sniggers/raised eyebrows at comments like this week’s pearler, ‘suck it up Princess’ (directed at one who needs to get over oneself!)

And it reminded me of some of those truly ‘choice’ (the English would no doubt say ‘cracking’) sayings that I had under my belt when I arrived ‘off the boat’ that captured the essence of a sentiment in the way only an Aussie can:

(Best I warn you here: if you would rather avoid references to swearing and general, unlady-like behaviour, you should stop reading now)
Feeling like a shag on a rock – the shag being a bird of the feathered variety – does not mean I would like to have sex in an uncomfortable place but rather that I’ve been (to use another metaphor) ‘left out in the cold’.
As useless as t*ts on a bull – which has now been replaced by the more genteel ‘as useless as a chocolate teapot’ – you get my drift, right?

…and one of my all time favourites…

Don’t p*ss down my back and tell me it’s raining – which is really not for use in anything other than highly-social, alcoholically-lubricated situations but really sums up what the little voice inside my head is screaming saying sometimes.
 
So now you’ve had a peek behind the sunburnt brow of this ridgy didge Aussie Expat.  Shocked?  Well, I may not have painted a very erudite picture, but I’ll bet you wouldn’t have learnt any of that watching Neighbours!

But you can do your bit for British-Aussie relations yourself by clicking here and swotting up courtesy of the The Australian Slang Dictionary.

Then we might actually be speaking the language!

And that’d be bonzer mate…

The Piece De Resistance…Of Birthdays!

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Last weekend I found myself tucked cosily in my sunlit train seat chugging my way across London to a 1st birthday party in Borehamwood.

Little N was an Australia Day 2010 arrival and having visited him in hospital when he was just a day old (I have the dubious honour of being his first ‘friend’ photo), I am constantly amazed each time I see him how much he’s grown into even more of a ‘little’ person.  And it’s been two months, what with travelling, Christmas and the like, so trekking across London on a fine Sunday afternoon seemed the least I could do.

Being of the child-free variety, I had been invited to attend ‘the adult’s party’ where there would be substantially fewer small people and more grown up fare (ie. drinks and nibbles).  And after his small person shindig earlier followed by a baby power nap, N was in fine form and ready to receive our assorted offerings in the ’12 months and older’ category.  He even gave every parcel his due and careful attention…until the next one appeared!

(Between you and me though, I’m afraid that the whole ‘ding dong’ and ‘more things for me’ association that was happening is just likely to yield disappointment and/or frustration for him on all days non-birthday.  Sigh…we all have to grow up some time…)

But really, the point of this entire post is to brag about the piece de resistance – I give you (dramatic pause)

…The Cake…

And in case you couldn’t see Drago the Dragon on top, here it is again…

And underneath that awesome icing, there was Red Velvet Cake (from The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook no less)…and Mum A made it all herself!

Do you think six months prior is too early to start dropping hints for my big day?

ps…and before I head off to plan my strategy/plead my case, I’d like to extend a big gidday to new follower, spriteyone.  Come on in and make yourself right at home!

Australian Flood Appeal…A Shindig For A Good Cause…

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As the world watched our dry and drought-stricken landscape disappear beneath swirling flood waters, first in Queensland and now in country Victoria, Australian expats will have felt more keenly than ever that heart-breaking tyranny of distance as these tragic events unfolded.  My urgent emails and phone calls to check that loved ones were safe and the  relief I felt as I discovered my family and friends were ok have now been replaced by the sad and numbing realisation that others have not been so lucky with stories like that of 13 year old Jordan Rice, who saved his brother and lost his life, reminding me that the devastation is far deeper as flood victims face the monumental task of re-building businesses, lives and communities.

And it would appear that it isn’t over yet as reports of flooding and the ensuing devastation continues unabated. 

This Wednesday (26th January) is Australia Day, a time traditionally for we Aussies to get together for a bit of a shindig and celebrate all that is great about being Australian.  One of our greatest traits is our ‘get-on-with-it’ attitude in the face of adversity:

 “Without doubt the best quality we observe across the entire Australian community is a natural willingness to pitch in and have a go, to help others….It is a generosity of spirit and a selflessness that is perhaps our most precious heritage to hand on to younger and newer Australians – a nation of people who care for and look out for each other.”   General Peter Cosgrove, ex Chief of Australia’s Defence Force

And in fine Aussie spirit, my lovely friend April has been inspired put together a fab Charity Wine Tasting event to mark Australia Day 2011 and provide a way to support our friends and family and the communities afflicted.

Where:
19 Bevis Marks, London, EC3A 7JB

When:
Wednesday, January 26th, 7.00pm-10.30pm
Nearest Tube/s (important over here!!!):
Liverpool St, Aldgate
Tickets are £20 in advance (they’ll be £25 on the door so in the immortal words of Ian ‘Molly’ Meldrum, do yourself a favour and book early!) but even better than that, Hemingways have thrown their hat in the ring and 10% of the bar takings for the event will go to the flood appeal.  Howzat??

For tickets and to be included on the guestlist, please email April by clicking here or get in touch via the Event Facebook page here.

So whether you are Australian or not, if you fancy a knees up with a bit of additional ‘feel-good factor’ on Wednesday (or know someone who might), get yourself/them down to Hemingways…pronto!!!

12 Sleeps To Go…Another Blogger, ex-‘Girt By Sea’ …

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I was getting my weekly ‘Australian Times’ e-letter fix on the bus on the way home tonight when I stumbled across a blog by a fellow expat that made me laugh out loud at her take on the ACRONYMS of the English education system. 

(Not that I am particularly well-versed in these but everyone knows that OFSTED is just another word for ‘wielding a hefty ruler about and threatening to rap naughty schools across the knuckles if they doesn’t behave as they ought to!’)

What made me laugh the most was when she said: 

‘If you’re thinking ‘WTF’, you’re not alone. Acronyms are the bane of my existence, and it doesn’t help that nobody has ever communicated (oh, the irony!) what most of these letters stand for’. 

Classic!!  I’m not even a teacher and this rang absolutely true.  Maybe it’s a test? 

Oh and if you haven’t quite worked out ‘WTF’, you clearly need to use a little expletive imagination.  Come to think of it, maybe that’s an even better test for potential immigrants to the UK – ‘WTF-ness’ happens a lot when you first get here.  And let’s face it, there are times when, if you don’t WTF and laugh, you’d have a bloody good cry!  So pack loads of it if you’re coming over…

Anyway, inspired by this, I read all 12 posts since her UK teaching career began (12 weeks ago).  You may think it sad to read about someone I don’t know but it’s a long ride home and I’ll do anything to while it away particularly if it involves using my new sexy phone…

If you want to check out another Aussie expat’s ramblings, click here and you’ll be there in a jiffy…

And if you haven’t checked out my interview on Seen The Elephant yet, shame on you.  Click here at once!

Yes peeps, it’s still all about me…

21 Sleeps To Go…Better Latte Than Never…

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A couple of posts ago, I was bemoaning Australia’s lack of sporting lustre on the world sporting stage but I am delighted to report that there has been a redemption, a pushing forth into the limelight as Australia took the prize… as the best coffee-making nation at the World Barista Championships in London this year.
Yes, Aussies are top of the heap when it comes to making coffee!  And not just the instant or espresso kind either…we are world-renowned in Latte Art (and if you don’t know what Latte Art is, I’ve included some pics for you).  I am not sure this qualifies as a sport as such and I almost daren’t utter these blasphemous words BUT (sotto voce) this strikes me as the occupation of people with too much time on their hands…

But it’s pretty/facsinating/amusing to admire and I am sure it provides latte-wielding baristas with a cathartic outlet for their passion and a little buzz when their erstwhile latte-lovers exclaim with delight over their foaming flights of fancy. 

There are also several How To videos floating about the net so if you are feeling inspired to indulge in a little latte frenzy of your own,  there’s plenty out there to help you on your way…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDZs__m5iAI

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Latte-Art

So quite frankly, I don’t want to hear another word about you having nothing to do.  I’ll have a double shot mocha soy latte with a pretty picture on top…and make it snappy!

ps…21 sleeps people, 21 sleeps…don’t let time get away from you…

XFactor vs Strictly? No it’s Vegemite vs Marmite…

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The battle is really hotting up over here.  Never mind all of that Saturday night twaddle about whether XFactor or Strictly Come Dancing got the highest ratings – although by my calculation there must be a lot of empty restaurants and Saturday night ‘venues’ around in these weeks leading up to Christmas. 

No the REAL battle is over a couple of thick, brownish-black gloopy substances, Vegemite and Marmite.

If you click here, you can read more on the latest tactics in this age-old war between the colonials and the Empire but in short, Marmite now has a store in Regent Street, London – only a pop-up one mind suggesting that this is not a long term Marmite strategy – to proclaim the brand’s…um…coolness.
Would be un-Australian of me to suggest that this in fact pointed not to coolness but to an inferiority complex?  I mean we don’t need to resort to this in Australia for one of our ‘own’ – every self-respecting Aussie knows the words to ‘Happy Little Vegemites’ (indoctrinated during hours of childhood telly – click here to see it for yourself) and there is nothing more comforting and nostalgic for us Down Under than hot buttered toast with Vegemite (partic. when the toast is based on the fluffy, nutritionally-bereft bread we loved as kids – when did Granary overtake this in our psyche I wonder?).

But I digress…

I do remember supermarkets making a short-lived effort to stock this supposed British staple – like it or not, they stopped stocking it because NO-ONE BOUGHT IT! And no-one bought it because NO-ONE LIKED IT!

I suspect that Vegemite has had a reasonable showing in British supermarkets (and probably more so in the Greater London ones) because about 400,000 Aussies set up camp here and wanted some home comforts…and were prepared to be impolite enough (we call this being direct) to ask why it wasn’t stocked anywhere.  And supermarkets, being what they are and hating to miss a money-making opportunity, put the smallest, most cost-ineffective jars on their shelves.  And we then proceeded to indoctrinate partners, wives, husbands, children and anyone who sat at our breakfast table to the Antipodean delights of Vegemite on toast as the ULTIMATE morning-after-the-night-before cure.  So we all went to the supermarket or the Australia Shop or harangued fellow travellers coming from our great brown land to get us some more so that we could put ‘a rose in every cheek’ possible.

I don’t remember anything like this happening for Marmite in Australia…

I rest my case.

The Australian Way…

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Well today I read that the UK is following Australia’s lead…

“Random breath testing in Australia was first introduced in Victoria in 1976 and within 15 years had halved the amount of people who died in car accidents as a result of drink driving. Although slow to follow our lead, British parliament announced two weeks ago that they planned to implement random breath testing in the UK which will come into affect later this year.” Australian Times (www.australiantimes.com)

…only 33 years later!

I have no idea why this has taken so long to come to the fore in the UK given Australia is still part of the Commonwealth (my ‘Australia should be a Republic…no offense to the Queen and all of that’ I shall save for another day). However, this article does make me realise that I was much more aware of the road toll statistics in Australia than I am here.

Some of the other things I remember include:

– State by state road tolls being televised and published during all major holiday periods as well as on an annual basis (check out http://www.tac.vic.gov.au/jsp/statistics/roadtollcurrent.do?areaID=23&tierID=1&navID=2). There was a slightly competitive feeling between the states to get the lowest road toll and in the case of the annual road toll increasing either state or nationally, this ‘bad news’ was discussed at length around office water coolers, at weekend bbqs and after work shindigs.

– Drink-driving had a stigma of shame and irresponsibility when I was a teenager. This was led largely by TAC (Transport Accident Commission) television campaigns featuring the slogan, “if you drink and drive, you’re a bloody idiot.” I remember my younger sister and I being horrified to learn that our parents had driven home after a cocktail party and in another incident, I remember a stand-up row with a boyfriend about me refusing to get in the car and begging him not to drive – both occurred when we were in our teens in the 80s.

– Losing your license in Australia is a bit of a disaster both socially and professionally. Public transport is not very ‘joined up’ and Australians generally travel a fair distance to work so getting anywhere without driving is a major logistics exercise – unlike the UK. (Yes, you Brits may complain about it but it so-o-o-o works!)

I don’t know what the answer is but could building awareness of driving fatalities from an early stage be a start? Does the problem lie in that we perceive our ownership of the action as distinctly separate from the outcomes it produces (which is viewed as someone else’s problem)?

Rant over…phew!
(Unless of course someone leaves comments on my blog about this which results in a ‘set-to’ of soap box sounding off…oh yeah.)